Sunday, March 29, 2015

with you...

We should try and do something together today.  Alone.
Just me and you, and you and me.
Take a little time and remember why we started this whole thing anyway.  What it feels like to just be two again. Nothing added or in between.
Those reasons we wanted to be teammates and partners, lovers and friends.  forever and ever and amen. The reasons we still plan for our future, remember our past, and hold on to our today's.

And so we did.
Days spent with you are my favorite, my Love.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Thought for the day....humility

I am drawn to humility.  Those who are humble without really trying to be, and those who put others needs consistently above their own.  Perhaps this is because I see so little of this virtue within myself.  How many times have I pushed my way to the front of the crowd, manipulated my circumstances to favor my own desires, and shifted my chair a little closer to the limelight....
Just a little shift.
tiny bit more
Maybe a couple more inches?
Right there under the giant shaft of sunlight streaming in, so that all can marvel at my new outfit, my latest joke, or my really good hair day.
Lord, help me.  I shouldn't be allowed out in public.

My point being, that for someone like me, who has never even seen what goes on backstage, I marvel at those who choose to be there.  Those who prefer the quiet corners of the room, or the pleasure of just listening without being asked to speak or perform.  I am in awe of those who would be perfectly happy with a life well lived, but not necessarily a life well known.
And I often wish I were in that happy little club of the peaceful and the graceful...
those who see me before they see themselves.
Then again, it isn't hard to see me is it....what with that giant sunbeam I'm sitting under...

Oh, Father help me to remember that all are created equal in your loving eyes, and no one person is greater than any other.  Help me to be more like that precious boy of yours who came to the earth a King and took on the "nature of a servant"*.  He freakin ROCKED this world, and I long to do the same.
But for You.
For Your glory, not mine.
Think I'll move my chair back a bit.

*Phillipians 2:7

Thursday, January 1, 2015

ring in the new year like a pirate...that's what I always say

Just checking in to make sure you properly rang in the New Year!
As a middle-aged mom of several adult-ish people I feel obligated to be as lame as possible on New Years Eve.  However, there is no rule that says I can't live vicariously through the fun people with real lives.

So, did you finally pop that bottle of champagne?  Maybe break out the leftover fireworks from the 4th of July?
Never any harm in sending the neighbors and their dogs running for Prozac.  That's what I always say.
Or perhaps you settled for snuggling under your new electric blanket with that favorite person.  Throw in a collection of Nora Ephron movies, macaroni & cheese, and some Diet Coke and I would snuggle in with you myself.

Unfortunately, my big plans for the evening were less exciting than that.  I spent most of my time running errands and feeding people.
However, we did get to crash a local party right before midnight, and that was fun!
I had heard there would be rum cake and I was concerned it wasn't being properly appreciated.
Turns out it was.
"Why is all the rum (cake) gone?"
By the way, thanks to Johnny Depp for the one of the greatest movie lines ever.  My kids are less grateful.  Something about the way I look in a pirate suit.

At any rate, the party ended at midnight and by 12:14 we were home and in bed.
By 12:17 I was watching the first of two episodes of Gilmore Girls just because I could, and just because no one tells me what to do anymore.
I have been saying that since I was five years old and I'm still convinced that no one believes me.
Hence the staying up past my bedtime with the cheese puffs giant bowl of fruit.

Well, I'm off to make my resolutions.
I'll check back in with you soon to see how you handle the Super Bowl.
Until then, Live Large, my friends!

I'll be the one doing laundry at 3 a.m. in a pirate suit, just because I can.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

that motherhood cycle

Motherhood is a funny, funny thing.

Sort of like a club.  But really nothing at all like a club; because everyone else seems to be in it with you.
And aren't clubs supposed to be exclusive?

I just remember looking around one day and realizing that I was in the club.  I was a mother.
I had a minivan.  There were sticky hand prints on my walls.
The laundry was piled up all over the place; and my number one job was answering questions.

And I remember seeing my own mother differently in that moment.  All of a sudden it occurred to me that she was a person, just like me.  And I wondered if I had ever made her feel like she was less than a person?  Because, as a mother, there were certainly days when I felt like less than a person, and more like some tired, lumpy creature that never slept or made sense.
And it honestly had never occurred to me that my mother had once been a young girl planning her own wedding day, the husband and children she would have, the vacations they would take together, and the dreams she might accomplish.  Somehow I had overlooked the fact that she had probably given up on some of those dreams in order to see that I reached mine.
How had I not seen her before now?

I am convinced it is because you have to be in the club in order to recognize other members of the club.

At that moment I not only recognized my card-holder status; but knew I had to change.
I wanted to treat her with the love and respect she had deserved for a very long time.  I wanted to appreciate those quirky parts of her sense of humor, those things that make her the human being that she is, the one she will always be, and the one she was before I came on the scene.

It also made me want to stop putting so many expectations on my own children.  They aren't responsible for my happiness, or for any feelings of self-worth I do or do not have.  They may be everything to me, but that does not mean that I will always be everything to them.
Because someday they will have children of their own and the cycle will begin again.
They will finally understand what it means to be in the club; and I will be older and wiser.  I will smile and nod while they tell me about their moment of clarity... how we are all just human beings in need of love, respect, and relationship, regardless of the role we play or have played in one another's lives.

I will smile and nod because I will remember the moment I realized the same thing; and how that was the moment my mother finally felt free to connect with me as one adult to another.
And that it was also the moment that I set my own children free to be the person God made them to be, without owing anything back to me.

Now go hug a mom.